Acknowledge, communicate, and let go.
To speak about conflicts as a mere spectator, to point out how things should or should not be, is simple enough. Yet knowing this truth, why do we so often insist on responding with raw emotion instead of taking a step back? I have learned from experience that silence can feel like defeat, but I believe we lose far more when we speak out of pain or anger.
I understand that it is not in our nature to expose an open wound to another threat. Still, perhaps we must remind ourselves that rejection, words themselves, cannot kill us. And if there is even the slightest chance that baring our hearts could preserve a relationship with someone we hold dear, why waste it, or keep it only as a last resort?
You see, for various reasons I have often found myself in the role of mediator, involved in enough conflicts to know that I could do little for either side. It is all too common to quarrel over distractions rather than confront what lies beneath: “I feel hurt,” “your love is not enough,” “I don’t want to be alone”. And however much one may use the Socratic method, trying to guide others gently toward clarity, they already know the path. If they are not willing to set aside pride or fear to bring the conflict to an end, nothing can be done, especially when you are part of their inner circle. They know you are not perfect; they will lay your own flaws on the table as though that alone were enough to smother the truth. I have never carried enough authority for my words to be taken seriously, yet neither so little that my silence could go unnoticed, often misread instead as arrogance or indifference.
We have heard it countless times: communication is the key. But do we truly grasp what that means? Yes, we can voice every grievance, present the evidence of wrongs, insist on what the other should do. But how many of us are able to admit that what is truly wounded is our ego, our very sense of self? And of those who can, how many are able to speak such truths with gentleness?
If we wish to avoid suffering, we must communicate what is essential, not in the hope that the other person will change, but because it is a burden we should not carry in our hearts. We must face the fact that turning ourselves into martyrs by choosing silence is neither useful nor something for which we should be thanked. No one can impose it on us; the pain is self-inflicted. Emotional responsibility toward oneself, that is our responsibility.