Clarity
I am an ignorant person, and yet I still yearn. One of my inspirations, as I once mentioned in another post, is to attain a pure heart. It is a rather vague goal, but I honestly know no other way to describe it.
If, like me, you find examples helpful, the Virgin Mary would serve as a reference in this matter. When I think of inner beauty (which, to me, is the same as purity), I cannot help but think of Mary. Not because of my religious inclinations, but because her soul radiates a beauty that anyone can recognize, regardless of their faith or spiritual background.
She is compassionate, infinitely patient, loving, discreet, and humble. She is also gentle, faithful, and honest. Some may call her “submissive” as an insult, for what mother would accept the death of her son at the hands of a God she trusted? But it is not about submission to the desires of others or yielding to influence, it is submission to what cannot be changed, and the choice not to grow bitter or resentful in the process.
To offer grace, yes, to others, but also to oneself. To act with gentleness even when wounded, even when logic insists we have every right to bite back. I want to be unreasonably kind; to love unreasonably, both those who love me in return and those who reject me. I want to be a place of rest, of presence. Not to expect from others what they cannot give...
And yet I wonder: why did I expect such qualities to belong to an impassive heart, a heart of stone, to some sage withdrawn from the world, for whom humanity is nothing more than an abstract concept, not a reality faced day after day? I thought that if I were pure, if I were beautiful, I would not suffer.
But how could I ever know empathy or tenderness without having tasted contempt? How could I hope to console others, to bring them peace, if I do not make peace with my own weakness, my own past? Seeking wisdom while closing my ears to those who thought differently was nothing but chasing my own foolishness.
I cannot have a pure heart if I am not willing to open it, that is what I mean. And now, at last, I have a little clarity. What lies ahead for me is an emptying: of prejudice, of opinion, of identity, of desire… to make room for everything else, so that it may remain untainted.