Beyond Victimhood
Recently, I came across a post in the Trending section that stirred something in me, a desire to write, or rather, to reflect upon it. I hesitated at first, unsure whether I should mention the name of the post and the blog, given that the author never asked for advice, and I have no intention whatsoever of undermining their personal way of thinking. This post has been my first and only encounter with this person, so what follows is not an attempt to portray their mindset. It is, instead, a meditation inspired by their words, and for that reason, I find it only fair to give credit where it is due.
Without further ado, I am referring to The Winner Takes It All. The title itself illustrates the subject at hand. In it, the author broadly shares their experience with life. They comment on the social injustices faced by those who strive and develop their talents honestly, and how, in the end, that is not always enough to “win” in the competition that is life. They point out how, contrary to what many claim, a person’s influence and environment matter, and not only that, but they largely determine their future.
I propose an alternative perspective, one that challenges this notion that life is a competition. Is it really a competition when, in the end, we all arrive at the same destination? What are those accurate and indisputable parameters that determine our place in this supposed race? I invite the reader to recognize that success is a social construct that varies from culture to culture.
When we pursue that job position, that salary, or that recognition, what we are truly seeking is an emotional state. We seek to feel safe, protected, valued, important, loved. That is universal.
The true winner, in my opinion, is not the one who gets the car, the girl, and the watch, but the one who attains peace and happiness. On that, I believe we can reach an understanding.
Why, then, do we place obstacles and excuses in our own path to achieve it? Why are we so determined to tie these emotions to material things? We postpone our happiness and satisfaction because, in a way, we want to justify to others why we feel the way we do through achievements.
I can sense in the text a constant pointing of fingers at others: people cheat, people do not recognize talent, they are born with privileges... And while all of that may be true, is it really a justification for ceasing to do what is right? Does the value of our work depend on how visible it is to others?
In the end, the author emphasizes that we should not stop trying despite failure. And I would add that we should only keep going if that goal aligns with our higher purpose and our values. If we become paralyzed because others have it easier, that will have been our choice, not something determined by our past or by others.
"Since the other person is cheating, I will not even try because I will fail." "Since my coworkers make my life impossible, I will stop doing my job, because I cannot work under those conditions." "Since this superior is blocking my promotion up the corporate ladder, I will ruin their reputation or quit, because connections are all that matter here."
Where some see perfectly reasonable arguments, I see fear of failure and a delegation of our own power to others. Seeking competitors and enemies is not only a way to make our lives grayer and sadder, but also an excuse to avoid taking responsibility for something, like incapacity, for instance.
If you read the full post I'm referring to (and I invite you to do so), you can notice that it includes a brief reflection that, in a way, encourages the reader not to feel discouraged by what was written before. Yet that conclusion arises from the belief that all the previous statements are true, and it is precisely for that reason that I felt compelled to discuss it.
If we gradually change this perception of life, our way of acting in the world, and of experiencing it, will change as well. We will be able to free ourselves from the discomforts and needs we have created for ourselves, and we will no longer feel the need to place others’ opinions above our own happiness. Instead, we will be able to enrich the lives of those who cross our path, spreading our calm and confidence.
I could write rivers of ink on this subject, but I hope that this small reflection plants a seed within you. Do not become victims of your own narratives. Embrace the uncertainty of your newly found freedom.