Somatizing emotions: I can't get used to it
Much of my personal growth I owe to internet personalities. Through their actions and videos, specifically focused on their life philosophies or opinions, I managed to gain a certain wisdom. Perhaps you've experienced this too: when facing a complex situation, you have them in the back of your mind and wonder, "What would they do in this situation?"
I don't want to go into too much detail about the issue that's caused me discomfort, as it's not just my information to share. You see, two days ago, someone genuinely close to me (we're talking since childhood) did something in a place that, according to my beliefs, deserves a certain level of respect. This was against the direct instructions of someone who, due to the circumstances, should have been listened to and, again, had their wishes respected. I honestly felt deceived.
I realize it's my fault for having built an image, expectations of this person based on what I thought I knew. And now I'm facing the reality that not only did I not know them as well as I believed, but the version of them demonstrated by their actions isn't compatible with what I feel is just or right. I'm not lying when I say this has affected me viscerally. Even though I repeat to myself like a mantra that they're just exercising their freedom, that it's none of my business, it simply doesn't sit right with me.
And I think what I'm really looking for is confirmation of whether what I'm doing aligns with my mission to adhere to certain values. I haven't confronted this person, not even that day when I knew what they were doing; I don't think I erred there. However, now what? Should I distance myself from this person enough to simply be acquaintances because I don't agree with their values?
I'd appreciate any opinions, though I'm aware I haven't been here long enough to receive them quickly. I believe that, in the meantime, I'll keep my distance enough to come to peace with this reality.